I think the worst was just being totally alone

I was divorced and not dating. My mom and aunt had passed away. Before they died our families got together. But after people just stayed home with their immediate family. No friend invited me either. I remember feeling very depressed and lonely. I went on to spend at least 10 years of holidays alone. I learned how to enjoy them alone. If the weather was good my dog and I would go for a long country car ride. Something we both enjoy. Then I would come home and make us a meal that we both really liked. I 'd rent non holiday movies and just enjoy the day off from work. Now my dad is in my life (he wasn't speaking to me for years) so I cook meals for him and my brother who now lives in the area. I also have a friend that always invites me to her place so sometimes I go there. But those first few years totally alone without anyone caring about me were by far the saddest and loneliest.

So, let me set up the scene. It's the beginning of the month and it looks like everyone, almost all branches of the family are going to come down to my Dad & Mom's house for Thanksgiving, and thus a meal. We're talking about close to 35 people here, so, of course, when it came time to get the turkey, Dad got one that was absolutely monstrous in size.

The other you show know is that earlier in the year, mom got dad something for his birthday that he had wanted for a long time - a meat grinder.

So come the week of Thanksgiving and suddenly, unfortunately, almost everyone in the family is having to cancel their visit. Thanksgiving day we're talking six of us are sitting at the dinner table with this 50 pound bird in the center. Even with a dinner of leftovers, we barely made a dent in this bird - turkzilla!

Now the next morning, in the U.S.of A. is Black Friday with all of the huge sales on items that people are going to be clamoring for, for gifts to give on Christmas day. Mom is in charge of getting the gifts, so we are all roused out of bed at o'dark-thirty in the morning to get dressed, come down and have breakfast and by 7:00 a.m. we are out the door heading for the stores.

While all of us kids are getting dressed, mom comes bouncing down the stairs in the kitchen. She sees Dad, who being former military (air force) is used to getting up three hours before dawn, sitting at the counter with a plate full of turkey, grinding it into a large like 2 gallon container that used to hold ice cream. Mom smiles and nods at him and then, figuring she'll cut some big slabs of meat off the turkey and grill them like she would a breakfast ham, she 'd get breakfast started and underway. She opens the fridge door and there ... ... ... is nothing. There is no turkey to be seen, found, or discovered in the fridge what-so-ever. Mom shuts the door and looks at Dad who is scrapping the very last of a family size mayonnaise jar, that she just bought a week ago, into the 2 gallon tub with chopped onion, and celery, and relish.

My Grandfather was a Marine who lived by the motto "commit to your mistakes," which meant when little me asked things such as "is this dangerous" or "can I eat that" he would give me the go ahead- REGARDLESS of if he knew the impact it would have on me! SO every Thanksgiving my Grandma would set out this ball of cheese that was super sweet! Then one year, she changed her recipe to something else- HORSERADISH! I didn't know what that was and carefully inspected it before putting it on my plate. When I went to take a bite, I nearly threw up at the god awful taste of it! my grandfather wouldn't even let me throw it away, he told me to "commit to my mistakes" and finish my plate. Keep in mind, I NEARLY TOOK HALF THE "CHEESE BALL" so I had to suffer for four hours Slowey eating that crap. haven't gone near the stuff since!

Marshmallows on sweet potatoes is disgusting, and I know I'm in the minority. Also, on a larger level, the fake happy history of the holiday gives me the willies and I could do without. Luckily I grew up in Europe so I was spared the bulk of that false nostalgia pimped further by consumerism, for the most part, until I came here. I love eating and always enjoy occasions for convivial gatherings around the table but I don't need to reinterpret or gloss over that sad era in our history to do that.