My mothers relatives came for the entire week

Lazy, stinky beings who slobbered and babbled on like idiots. I've never been so happy to know I'm adopted. Mother said they didn't know any better because they've lived like cave people most of their lives. My dad said that was bullshit and that they have never even tried to act like human beings. Mom's oldest brother had some kind of fungus on his face and loved to show us that he never wears undershorts. Dad said he used to but they keep rotting off him. Mom's younger sister had 2 teeth and they were gold. She was so proud of them and said we should all do that. Her husband was about as bright as a doorknob and couldn't keep his fly zipped.

Dad remarked one time about it and he told dad that it was hard to keep his best part closed up. My sister vomitted when she heard that. When we began to eat thanksgiving dinner everyone tried to sit at the table but the guy with the bad fly started trembling and said the good lord was taking over his mind and body and had been doing so since he was 17. My dad told him to just sit down and eat but then fly boy started spewing foam out of his mouth and ruined the mashed potatoes. I made my way to the back porch and then went around and snuck into the kitchen to save the pies. Who knew what fly boy would do to them. By the time I came back to the table everyone was standing and crying. Seems that fly boy lit his head on fire trying to light the dinner candles. Dad passed me a bottle of wine and suggested we go outside and drink. Mother started crying because of her relatives who were with us and she wanted everything to be perfect. Dad hooted at that remark and even though I didn't enjoy mom's family ... Dad and I had a great time eating pie and drinking wine. Dad's relatives are coming next year and I'm leaving town.

When I was 15, my boyfriend invited me to his house for Thanksgiving dinner. It was the first time I met his family and I was terrified. There were aunts, uncles, cousins, brother, sister, and parents. Apparently, they didn't get together often since they were excited to see each other and were busy catching up on family news. I was pretty much ignored by everyone including my boyfriend, so I was fine with blending in with the wallpaper. Suddenly, there was a lull in the conversation, and cousin Rita asked my boyfriend why he was wearing his hair differently. He explained that I liked his new look. In a very loud voice, she announced that I should not try to change him, and if I didn't like him the way he was, he should find a new girlfriend. A pin could have dropped.

Suddenly, all eyes were on me. I couldn't flee due to the seating arrangement, so there I sat, completely humiliated. I didn't look up at another person through the whole dinner and couldn't swallow past the giant lump in my throat. At last the dreadful event ended, and the minute we left the house, the dam burst and I cried uncontrollably all the way back to my house. My boyfriend tried but failed to comfort me. It was a very long time before he could persuade me to go to his house again. As time went by, I realized that my boyfriend was right about nobody paying attention to what Rita had to say. Fast forward 57 years, and since I married that boyfriend, cousin Rita, still a family member, is no longer able to intimidate me.

My father had remarried and I decided to return home for Thanksgiving. It as only about 90 minutes so I drove in that morning. The new wife came with 13 and 18 year old sons. I hadn't spent a lot of time with any of them. When they married, my father offered to sell his home and buy a new home for the two of them that would better accommodate them plus have room for all four of the kids when we came to visit. But, upon seeing my dad's house, she decided they should keep it - nice neighborhood, nice house though a little small given the situation. As we later learned, the new wife would have preferred that his daughters never come home.